Building your squad: tips for finding your people
I’ve talked before about surrounding yourself with the people who are going to build you up, but what’s the significance of that? Isn’t that selfish? Shouldn’t you love people even if they aren’t doing anything for you?
Well, yes. But also no.
You should absolutely spread love and kindness wherever you go. You should love people regardless of what they can do for you. Unconditional love has its place. When you’re building up a friendship, however, it’s so important that you’re vetting those people for certain things. Studies have shown that you become the people you spend the most time with. So if you’re surrounded by people who have no ambition, or who are constantly negative, or who highlight your flaws or insecurities whenever you’re together… you could very well become stagnant, unhappy, and self-conscious. This is why it’s hugely important for you to surround yourself with people who have similar (or more) ambitious drive as you, who lift you up, and who make you happy to be around.
It’s not selfish to expect something out of a friendship. That’s why we have friends. For example, I have some friends who would be my go-to alibi, no questions asked, if I was being framed for murder and I didn’t have a viable alibi. I also have friends who are my ultimate hype girls and cheer me on when I have success in my life and business. I have friends who squash my insecurities and tell me I’m a badass and one of the best women they know. I even have friends who tell me when I’m overreacting or overthinking. Y’all, I have a select few friends who are ALL OF THOSE THINGS.
But it hasn’t always been that way.
I haven’t always had very many friends. In fact, for a while I had 3 or 4 women I called friends and even then I didn’t lean on them very often.
So how did I get here?
Well, as cheesy as it sounds I stepped out of my comfort zone. Here are some of the ways:
Bonded with clients who then became friends and accepted invites to coffee even when I was nervous to hang out with someone new.
Attended a women’s retreat that I **almost** backed out of until my husband convinced me to go. From that I gained a great friend/colleague/hype girl and a few friends who have supported me as I grew my business.
Allowed myself to be vulnerable and let people in when I met them, so I could create real connections rather than superficial acquaintances.
Released my fear of not being liked (mostly 😉) and became truly authentic to who I am, no matter who I was around.
Joined groups that were aligned with spiritual and political beliefs.
Some other key things I did was stopped making myself smaller. For anyone. And stopped investing time, energy, love, and even money on people who didn’t reciprocate. I started valuing myself and my boundaries instead of letting people walk all over me because we had been friends for a long time or because we were related.
And now something magical is happening.
My life is full of women who randomly text me reminders of my worth. It’s full of women who see that I’m doing something new and immediately reach out to find out how they can support that. I’m surrounded by women who WANT to see me succeed instead of spend all our time together telling my why I won’t. They’re not even from the same groups. In fact, some of them have never even met one another. Yet they all have 1 thing in common: they’re cheering me on.
You can have this too.
Sit down and make a list of all the qualities you’re looking for in friends. Do they have certain political views? Does that matter to you? Do they make a certain amount of money? That can matter if you’re also pursuing big financial success. Can you meet them at networking groups, or at work, or at a church get-together? Join some Facebook groups, maybe your people are there. There are literally groups for ANYTHING on Facebook these days. Attend events where you think they might be. Conferences or luncheons or retreats can all be places to meet new friends with similar interests.
Whatever you do, start it today. Because it’s always a good time to build the squad that’s going to help lift you up into the person you want to become.
All my love and light,
JK