What'd I say to past me: 3 Words
So there I was, scrolling Facebook.
🙄
When I came across this post from someone in a business group I’m a part of.
It said:
You meet your younger self. You’re allowed to say 3 words. What do you say?
Damn.
I stopped my scroll. I thought. And when I found my 3 words, tears came to my eyes.
Because in case you don’t know.
The younger me I was picturing in this scenario was a mess. Not a “hot mess” but an actual emotional and mental mess. She suffered from undiagnosed anxiety and depression. She thought she wasn’t good enough. She felt like a failure in everything she did, even when she was succeeding. She didn’t feel strong enough to chase her dreams, and half the time she didn’t even want to leave her room. She entered one unhealthy relationship after another, convinced that one of these toxic boys would eventually be the right one. She didn’t pursue anything more than what was necessary, because she knew if she did she would fail. She felt useless and unlovable. Some days she didn’t want to live.
This younger me was broken.
Not because of anything her family did.
Not because of any real failures.
Not because of any severe trauma.
No, it was because her mind liked to play tricks on her and she didn’t have the emotional intelligence to understand that.
It was because she had a disease that her family didn’t fully understand, or even want to acknowledge.
It was because she saw the happy façade that everyone else put on and thought she was the only one who was struggling just to be happy every day.
That younger me became a PRO at plastering on a smile and faking it through the day. She was bold, confident, silly, and always the first one to let out a huge laugh. She was beautiful, in a small frame but with a huge personality. She got good grades in school and was a reliable employee at her jobs and she never once let on that anything was wrong.
I was living two lives.
Younger me wouldn’t recognize current me.
Today, I am living a truly joyful life. I’ve found my spiritual path with a group of women who just want to do witchy shit and bring in good energy. I have a support system of humans who truly love me for the real me, anxiety and all. They cheer me on while I chase my dreams and keep me grounded when my crazy comes out. I recognize when my negative self-talk is driven by my mental illness and I have tools to combat it. I’m married to someone who sees me as his partner in life and has never so much as raised his voice at me (other than when he’s really excited about something, that man can get LOUD when he’s stoked), even in the midst of arguments. I have the coolest kid who’s growing up to be this kindhearted badass who doesn’t take any shit and knows what her limits are at the age of 10. I’m living my dreams in the most authentic way I can, and I no longer have to plaster on a fake smile just to get through the day. No, this smile is real.
Current day me doesn’t have a perfect life. But she practices gratitude for the beauty that’s in her life every single day. Even on the dark days she knows the sun will shine again. And she wants to be there to feel the warmth of the sun on her face when it does.
But I didn’t get here overnight. It wasn’t an easy journey. It was filled with removing toxic people from my life, people I loved and thought loved me back. It included tons of books on spirituality, self-care, and self-help. I signed up for courses and retreats around business, creating a life you love, and empowerment. There was emotional upheaval and a lot of tears. I stepped outside my comfort zone and I stopped saying things just to make people happy. I started speaking my truth and setting – and keeping – boundaries. And so much more.
No, that younger me wouldn’t recognize the woman I am today. She wouldn’t believe this life was possible. She may even scoff at me and think I was another poser with a perfect life.
But I would stand in front of her, radiating positive energy, and I would say:
“You will prevail.”
Because prevail I did.
I would love to hear your story. I would love to pour some of this positive energy and love into you. Join me at my retreat on May 14th and you can start your journey toward this beautiful life of self-love and empowerment alongside me.
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If you want to buy your ticket in full, click here.
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Thanks for reading, sending all my love and light your way.